i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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