Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
