well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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