girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
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And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
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I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize