She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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