I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
