I'm really into asian looking animals
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
