we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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