I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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