I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Boobs are out for the taking
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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