Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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