My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize