my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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