you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
