somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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