and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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