i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
