The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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