yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
