Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Two words: nipple clamps
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