My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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