Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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