Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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