Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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