The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
