my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
