You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
