He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
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Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
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Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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