Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
