My hair reeks of homosexuality.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
