im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
