Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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