No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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