so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
