She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
