Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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