Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
