i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
