woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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