3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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