Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
