She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
