Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'm always down for nudity.
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