i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize