I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
