you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
