You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
