Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
