apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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