those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
