His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
