I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
