So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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