If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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