Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
honey bunches of taint.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
