Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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