I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
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didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
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He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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