i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
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how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
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They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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