He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
whose parrot is this?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
