this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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