just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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