I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
