boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
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one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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