I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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