I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
do herpes really smell.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
