We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
there is puke in my bra ... again
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
